Cause Dammit, I Deserve!


If you opened your inbox on August 1st and wondered where my monthly newsletter was, so did I! I have been running around like crazy, doing so much that I hadn’t even realized that I didn’t write a newsletter until last week. So, here it is, nearly the end of August and I am finally getting around to it. I’ve been updating you all on my life, the transitions I’ve been experiencing and much more. It’s been a healthy journey, even with the unwanted circumstances, I can truly say that this process has been healthy and necessary.

Two weeks ago, I was on a Yacht having the time of my life ,in the middle of the ocean in Miami when the guilt of enjoying life started to plague my thoughts. I was no longer present. Instead I was worried about what needed to be done once that trip was over and how I was going to accomplish it all. I had an overwhelming sense of anxiety, worried about the emails I had left unread all because I decided to give myself some much-needed time away. And then it hit me, I deserve it. I deserve to feel what I feel every single day. I deserve my happiness. I deserve the laughter I experience daily.

I deserve to take impromptu vacations with my friends and ignore work. I deserve to play by my own rules for once. I deserve to say no when something does not align with my spirit. And I absolutely deserve the right to say yes when something sets my soul on fire, even if it means sacrificing other people for it. What fuels me is for me. What makes my heart beat a little bit faster is for me. The blessings that have been bestowed upon my life and continue to trickle in are all for me. I will not apologize for accepting, honoring and reveling in these facts because truth be told, it’s been time.

I have been silenced. I closed my mouth when I should have screamed a little louder. I hid behind a veil when I should have exposed the truth of my beauty. I dumbed myself down. I appeared to be less than, sacrificing my truth for acceptance. I remember the days I begged for the world to hear me. I remember the times I begged for the world to choose me. I remember those dark moments that I begged for the world to see me. And now I see myself, I hear myself, I choose myself every damn day and it feels Godly, heavenly!

I can breathe. I feel like a feather walking on earth. The phoenix that rose from the ashes. I am at a pivotal point in my life. I don’t really know where I am going, all I know is that the shit feels good. There are those random moments where I cry tears of joy because the Universe favors me enough to send me those subtle little reminders that are like “look, this is how far you’ve come.” And I’m so very grateful for such things. I now know that all has not gone in vain and never will. The manifestations have commenced, and the overflow is trickling in. Normally I’d try to be humble and say I don’t deserve God’s favor, but dammit I deserve every bit of what I feel. I deserve everything coming my way. I’ve earned it! And you have too. Celebrate yourself now, celebrate your life now because up until this point, you’ve known not how powerful your God is. You are now about to experience life in a whole new light, vibration and wonder. Life will feel like a dream. Receive it, claim it because its yours, you’ve earned it

Love and LifeAmber Janae