3 Harsh Truths About Your Personal Growth That No One Tells You


There was a time in my life when pain was my natural state of being. Darkness was comfort. It actually felt completely normal for me to be unhappy or unsatisfied all of the time. I reveled in dysfunction by choosing to entertain inharmonious, unhealthy relationships. These were things that were comfortable for me. I battled with depression for many years. It was actually very difficult for me to not think about or attempt suicide. Over time I realized, as the same situations in my life became more and more reoccurring, it was me not them.  I started to realize that the course of my life was the result of years and years of unhealed pain. I began my healing journey years ago. During the beginning of the process, I hadn't even realized that I was undergoing growth and transformation.

It wasn’t what I thought it would be. I experienced a lot of emotions that I necessarily didn’t imagine I’d feel. Even though I had committed to transforming all of who I was for the better, I went through a lot of trying situations, still. I questioned myself a lot. I wanted to give up a lot because the journey that I had chosen to embark on was nothing like I was told it would be. We tend to conform to comfort when things don’t fit the fairytale image we've created in our minds. We walk away when the journey to personal development turns out to be tougher than what we bargained for. In all honesty, it isn’t supposed to be easy. The truth is, it isn’t about it being perfect or a fairytale. Life will deal you whatever deck of cards necessary to bring you closer to your true self. Here are 3 things that no one told me about my personal growth and life transformation journey, but they later became the very things I never knew I needed.

They Don’t Tell You…

Everything You Need Is Within

When I first decided that I wanted to change for the better I didn’t quite grasp the concept that the change required me and only me. I was in search of everything and everyone but myself. I wanted others to fill the voids that I refused to give attention to. I wanted love from others to fill me in the places that I refused to love myself. I ignored the fact that external forces would never be able to solve my internal issues. I latched to people for the sake of not being able to tolerate how it felt to be alone with myself. I was a mess. I needed attention, but not attention from the outside world. I needed to give myself attention. I needed to get in tune with who I was. I needed to accept that all that I was in search of existed within me already. The people in your life will not solve your problems. In fact, they’re more than likely hindering your growth opposed helping it. You are your biggest problem. But you are also your solution. Commit to healing. Trust that you are already that person, you just need to do the required inner work to get there.

The Shit Hurts

Basically, that is all there is to it. There were pain and lots of it. There was suffering. I had to face the harsh reality that everything or everyone I thought I needed was actually harmful to me during my growth process. That shit hurt! We can easily get wrapped up in a sense of comfort in our darkness. We also reach a point where we avoid the truth about us. We do our best to escape from what’s real. The truth is, there is no avoidance on the path of personal growth. You cannot shortcut the journey by refusing or choosing to do only some of the work. You cannot result in comfort because your path to growth became too painful to bear. The pain is imminent. You will suffer, but that is okay. I think the most painful part of my journey was feeling like I had progressed and being exposed to a specific person or situation that reminded me, I was not where I thought I was. It was like being slapped back into reality. It felt like a set back in those moments. Those types of experiences will occur and it is perfectly normal. Sometimes we need the pain to propel us forward. Sometimes it is only suffering that causes us to get tired of our own shit and take control over our lives. It will hurt, but the reward in who you become is far greater than any pain you’ll ever experience during the process.

You Have to Become One with the Unknown

We can easily retract backward because familiarity feels better than the unknown. The truth is, as you begin to awaken to a deeper more healed version of yourself, everything becomes new. Even you. The transformative process of shedding the old to step into new is foreign to a lot of us. Everything you thought you knew about personal growth will require you to release control and embrace all of which you do not know. Familiarity is choosing to remain attached to our false sense of self. The false self is an over-exaggerated version of ourselves we created to identify with the world around us. Our persona, old habits and ways of thinking is what feeds the false self and keeps it alive. When we choose to let that part of us die we bring forth new light and life. There is no true life without death first. When we commit to growth, we detach from the idea of who we think we are, thus creating less resistance on the path of discovering what already exists deep within us. Become one with the unknown. Be open to living in the present, for it is the only place in which you will become one with your soul.

Photo Cred: Tracee Ellis Ross

Love and LifeAmber Janae